Funny Quotes | Friendship Quotes | Love Quotes

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- F. P. Jones

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Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they’re going to catch you in next.
- Franklin P. Jones

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My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

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The reason modern poetry is difficult is so that the poet’s wife can’t understand it.
- Wendy Cope

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That awkward moment when you realize you’ve been talking for five minutes, but the call dropped four minutes ago

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I could win American Idol if they just let me bring my shower on stage.

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The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.
- Jean Kerr, Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

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I’m a godmother. That’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short. That’s cute – I taught her that.
- Ellen DeGeneres

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Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
- Bill Cosby

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There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry Kissinger

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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
- Phyllis Diller

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Of course I often talk to myself because I always need expert advice.

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